lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
