almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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