Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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