Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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