shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
