he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I party with great urgency now.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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