oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
