The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
