her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
