last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize