The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
my liver is dry heaving
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
