You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
