remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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