Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
