Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
