Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
MIDGETS
????
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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