On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
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