she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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