i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
