even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
