dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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