I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize