The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
