It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
