Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
farters have to be the big spoon...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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