I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
