She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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