I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
