Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
