If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize