I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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