ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
