Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
