I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
