dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
