your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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