I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
