she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
