this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Randomize