You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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