I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
