We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize