the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
