Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
