I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
