i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
