Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
MIDGETS
????
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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