It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Is this like a preordered booty call?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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