just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
