I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
