idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
