i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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