I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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