I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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