I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
