is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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