Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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