Yo dont text me then not text me
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
