Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
