Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
