I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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