I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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