I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I am one with the molecules
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
