just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
