At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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