I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she looked like the before picture.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize