Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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