my shit smells like andre
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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