I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
