new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize