My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
