just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
