my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
