I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize