I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
This is my gift to your gina
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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