from now on my penis is your penis
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
