I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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