I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
