I'm gonna have a badass scar
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
