so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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