If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Dicks are not precious.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
