I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
