And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
