Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
