worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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