if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I need to calm my uterus...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
