he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Drunk is a universal language darling
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
