He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
