I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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