It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
