There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
