Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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