Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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