I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
zippers are such a cool invention
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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