Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
