It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
