You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
