He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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