I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
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