While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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