Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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