ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
