some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
